New Year, New You: Setting Realistic and Compassionate Goals
It’s that time of year again! January tends to bring a period of reflection and a willingness to do things differently in the new year ahead, with many of us using this time of year to try to improve certain aspects of our lives. According to Better Up, the tradition of marking a new year with resolutions goes all the way back to Babylonian times, yet several thousand years later, many of us still struggle to keep on track with what we set out to accomplish. In this month’s mindfulness and wellbeing article, we’ll be sharing six top tips on setting realistic and compassionate goals to help create positive change in your life.
Make sure you’re making your resolutions for the right reasons
It’s often a good idea to think about why we set resolutions. January is traditionally a time of year when there’s a big collective focus on self-improvement, but unless you have a particular goal or project that you want to accomplish in 2025, you might feel that setting a resolution is not meaningful to you, and if you set a resolution that you’re not personally motivated to achieve then you’re unlikely to stick to it. If you do decide to change something in the new year, try to focus on making positive change in a certain area of your life and approach your goal accordingly.
It’s also a good idea to try to see the new year as an opportunity to embrace positive actions rather than seeing it as a means to “improve” some element of yourself. In a highly insightful article about why new year’s resolutions often fail, Mental Health UK mentions that shame-based motivation is a particularly unhelpful basis for setting goals since it is unlikely to create the correct psychological foundations for bringing about helpful change. Even if your goals actually do seek to address an aspect of your life that you’d like to do better on, always try to approach your goals with an open mind and see them as a way of bringing positive change to your life rather than fixing something that’s “wrong” with you. In this sense, it’s better to focus on notions like “living healthily” rather than telling yourself that you need to lose weight, to use just one common resolution as an example.
Think about what’s important to you
A new year is a great blank canvas and a time when many people are naturally thinking about things they’d like to do differently, so it’s a perfect opportunity to channel that energy into accomplishing something important. At the same time, we all have different priorities, so it’s important to look towards things that are meaningful to you personally. A lot of people’s new year’s resolutions tend to be lifestyle-focused in the sense of eating more healthily or getting more exercise, while other people tend to focus on studying or otherwise acquiring a new skill, and while these are all excellent goals in themselves, t’s important to remember that you can also make your resolutions more personal and see the new year as an opportunity to approach another area of your life differently. For example, you might want to find more opportunities to engage with your creative side, or to try to stop worrying about the small things so much. Likewise, you might want to set a more socially-focused goal, such as thinking more about other people, practising patience with others, or being more proactive about spending quality time with people who are close to you
Only you can decide what’s important to you in 2025, but any goal that resonates with you personally is likely to be easier to accomplish.
Avoid peer pressure wherever possible
In many parts of the world January tends to be associated with a lot of collective self-improvement movements, such as Veganuary and Dry January, and although these are great opportunities to give different people a common focus, it’s also good to remember that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to bringing about change in life. People who set goals in January tend to be very vocal about it at the beginning, which can sometimes feel intimidating if you’re trying to quietly bring about change. As with anything in life, it’s best not to compare yourself with other people.
Be particularly wary against comparing yourself against people on social media, particularly people that you don’t know personally, and remember that the majority of people’s accounts tend to be highlight reels of their lives rather than a realistic reflection of how they live on a day-to-day basis. Just because a third-degree contact on LinkedIn is talking about waking up at dawn to run ten kilometres doesn’t mean you have to. On a more serious note, also remember that January is a time of vulnerability for many people, when a lot of us are already feeling fragile for a number of reasons, so negative comparisons with other people are already likely to hit harder. Be wary of this and try to be nice to yourself.
Be realistic with yourself and know your own limitations
Many people set grand resolutions for themselves but then inevitably fall short of them. While it’s always good for us to push ourselves, it’s also important to remember that outside factors can sadly sometimes limit what we’re able to accomplish, particularly the big ones that are largely outside of our control such as our financial situation and the amount of time we realistically have left over after fulfilling all of our other obligations. If a particular goal that other people are talking about is not reasonable for you, or not something that you’d naturally be interested in, don’t feel pressured to adopt this in your own life. If you’re struggling to keep on top of other things in your life as well as your personal goals, think about small ways of making a difference and endeavour to build on them at a later date.
Set goals for yourself and keep track of your progress
It’s generally a good idea to set goals that are aspirational yet also ultimately achievable, meaning that the goal has to be significant enough to be worth pursuing, yet not so challenging that we don’t feel we can realistically accomplish it. A general rule of thumb is that it’s easier to set small and fairly specific goals rather than larger, more lofty ones, so try to look for practical ways that you can make a difference to your life and try to get into the habit of doing them regularly. Habits can often take a long time to form, which is probably part of the reason why so many people’s resolutions fail to persist past January, but if you can find ways of incorporating your new resolution into your daily routine then you’re much more likely to stick to it.
Likewise, writing goals down on paper apparently increases our likelihood of achieving them, so if you’ve bought a new calendar or diary for 2025 then try to create a record of your resolution so that you know what you’re setting out to achieve and you can keep track of your progress along the way.
Don’t get disheartened if you face setbacks
Aiming to change any aspect of your life is hard. January is already a time when many of us are feeling far from highly-motivated, with a combination of winter weather and stretched finances often dampening even the brightest of spirits. But don’t forget that even just making a resolution shows willingness on your part. If you deviate from any of your goals then don’t beat yourself up, but rather use this setback as a learning opportunity to help you move forward. Likewise, if you fall short on one day then try to avoid the temptation to use this as an opportunity to quit altogether, unless you realise that your goal isn’t meaningful any more.
If you really struggle to adopt any of your resolutions in January, remember that you don’t have to wait until the start of the following year to get back on track again. You can pick up where you left off at any time, or if necessary then you can adapt your resolution to make it more practical to accomplish. Also remember that even if you abandon your resolution altogether then the process of setting it will likely have still been valuable in the sense of giving you a chance to reflect on your priorities and think about what is important to you.
Whether you choose to set a January resolution or not, we hope your tips have been helpful, and we wish you a happy and mindful new year ahead.
Sources
BetterUp | Allaya Cooks-Campbell
52 New Year’s resolutions ideas for 2024
https://www.betterup.com/blog/new-years-resolutions-ideas
Good Housekeeping | Zee Krstic and Cameron Jenkins
65 Achievable New Year's Resolutions for Building a Healthy, Happy Life
https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health/wellness/advice/g985/achievable-new-year-resolutions
Mental Health UK
New Year, New Me? Why New Year’s resolutions can be unhelpful, and how to set healthy goals
Mindtools
New Year Resolutions
https://www.mindtools.com/a8mlh20/new-year-resolutions
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