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Hey out there!  I'm doing a translation and I had a very long translation rejected because of the following sentence.  Specifically, the problem they had was with my translation of the word "proximité", but their suggested correction doesn't make sense in English.  

Normally, I don't accept a translation if I can't translate the whole thing, or I will pass it to another translator if it gets rejected, but it was a very long job and this was the very last sentence. I would hate to lose the whole job over what is really just one word.  :P

Here is the sentence in question:

"Plus de fiabilité, plus de nouveautés, toujours la même proximité : voilà ce qu'on vous prépare."

The context is a press release for a tech company, announcing that they are moving their services to their own servers (instead of using service providers such as Amazon), and in this paragraph, they're explaining some of what they plan to do in 2014.  This is the final, concluding sentence of the press release.

If anyone has any opinions on how this sentence should be translated, it would be greatly appreciated!  

12 comments

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    mistymikes

    I asked the customer for clarification, but since they haven't yet responded, I thought I might throw it out there to see if anyone else might chime in.  :)

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    xo.olive

    Hello Misty,

    As a native French speaker, I prefer to avoid suggesting an English word, but if my comment can be of any help, "proximité" in that case suggests two things to me as a French speaker:

    - like in "commerce de proximité", a small shop is located close to where people live;

    - and/or, the idea that the company wants to be close to its customer, for example, available at all time, focusing on the relationship to the customer, ...

    The tricky point being "and" or "or"...

    So, to be phrased in a more politically correct fashion: "we offer more reliable, more innovative products, but we don't sacrifice the quality of our relationship with you"

    Xavier

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    Natalia Manidis

    Thanks Xavier! You're a star! :)

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    mistymikes

    This is wonderful! I got some feedback from the customer that helped me to translate it, but this clears things up so much better!  It's a use of the word that I just hadn't encountered before, since most of the translations that I've done have been eBay-style product descriptions.  :)  I'm sure this is going to help me a lot in future translations!  

    Thanks for being so helpful, Xavier!  Natalia is right, you're a star.  

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    xo.olive

    Glad I could help! :) How did you finally phrase it? (I am curious ^^)

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    mistymikes

    Based on what the customer told me, and to flow with what came before it, I translated it as, "Our goal is to provide more reliability, more news, and to remain available to quickly answer all questions and concerns from customers."

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    xo.olive

    Great! Much clearer than the French version \ (^o^) /

    (although perfectly understandable, I must say the more I read the original, the poorer it sounds... but I may be picky ^^)

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    mistymikes

    Haha, maybe!  Not being a native French speaker, I tend to take things as presented without making judgments about how gracefully it's worded.  However, it definitely didn't feel right translating it directly, because in English it sounded so awkward and the rest of the press release was much more eloquent!  :)

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    LBTranslations

    Late to the party but to go with the flow and keep the meaning, I would have just said "availability".

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    LBTranslations

    Late to the party but to go with the flow and keep the meaning, I would have just said "availability".

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    Andrew

    Waw! This really gets me up! Working for such fine detail and tweaking sentence structure like this, with the added bonus of translating between languages! This is something I've been indirectly seeking for so long! I just passed my pre-test and will do all the other tests after finals! Can't wait to translate stuff and basically use my best tool as a means to have fun, use my time efficiently (not letting my brain fall off track during the summer) and even maybe make some money in the same time! 

     

    See ya'll in a couple of weeks!

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    mistymikes

    Haha, it's nice to see that you're so enthusiastic, Andrew.  Good luck on your tests!  :)  

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